As I head into week three of my adventure, it has also hit me like a out of control truck that the end target is barreling ever closer. It is 6 weeks until THE race. This is not a long time. 42 days. 1008 hours, of which I will be sleeping through 336 of them. And I estimate that gives me about 60 hours riding time, this is not enough.
Not a day goes by where I don't learn something else that I didn't know I needed to know. There are moments of empowerment, sprinkled with moments of blind terror and a dusting of ignorance. This week was a reasonable load in training, and another this week before a quieter spell before my next attempt at racing on 21 March. My first lesson this week was that I should have paid more attention as a toddler to the Tupperware shape ball. Square does not go into round. Quite a simple concept. Intelligence dictates that as a pedal travels in a circular motion around the crank and bottom bracket it would be more efficient to move the feet and legs along a similar plane of motion. Therefore, stomping in a vertical way like I am crushing a can is neither effective nor good for preserving energy levels. Hence the peddling in squares analogy. This lapse in basic understanding of shapes occurs mostly when I need to put in some effort. Not bright Leigh, not bright. This is my first realisation. More attention required in basic geometry.
Recently when we were guests at a very lovely wedding for Alex and Georgia, a pre wedding 'twiddle' was arranged by the groom, Alex, for the boys to join him in. Gary and I had taken our bikes over, with a multi faceted plan of engagement. We were not going to be far from the mythical route of THE race in April, so the opportunity to have a hit out over the course presented itself. Friday was awesome. After finding the course by the most obtuse and confusing method we could come up with eventually the bikes were liberated from the confines of the Toyota. Just a spin over the TT course, and it was great. Nothing like the sting of sunblock in your eyes while fighting to hold the wheel of Gary's TT bike to make you feel alive. It's an impossible task for these fat little legs to hang on to his road bike, when he's on a bike that goes exponentially faster by design it is indeed a futile enterprise. But I hang in there until the little leprechaun on my shoulder releases the parachute and puts me firmly back in my box of inadequacy.
The Saturday morning dawned to a beautiful morning on the shores of Lake Tarawera. I tagged along with the other lads we were sharing a house with to meet with the rest of the gaggle for said 'twiddle'. Now I must explain that in no way on this earth I have the ability to ride with these men, but I deduced that if they are just going for a coffee roll and I turn myself inside out than there is a chance that I wouldn't make a complete tool of myself. Second realisation. I am a tool. Already feeling rather like the odd one out, and acutely aware that I had no place there, we set off, and for twenty minutes or so I held on. And then I couldn't. The group steadily rode away from me, try as I might. My square peddling motion and octopus style proved hopeless. Waves of guilt and embarrassment washed over me as poor Gary had to fall back to help me, taking him away from his friends and a ride he would have relished. Try as he might to pull me back to them I just could not keep up the power required to make any inroads. We lost sight of every one and I just ruined every thing. We rode together, which means I sat in out of the breeze. Eventually poor Gary dragged me back to Rotorua, where we ate and tackled the climb back into Tarawera.
What I did learn after, was that while I was hopeless out there, I produced my best power and heart rate efforts, so I did OK, just in the wrong company. We must compare apples with apples, and from the struggle and unkind thoughts to myself came the opportunity for improvement and growth. Generous amounts of Gin, great food and company made up for everything and a great weekend was had by all. Thank you Alex and Georgia for sharing your special day with us.
Another special part of my learning this week is that when you feel you can't do any more and you need to stop, that you may be possibly half way through what needs to be done. So recognise this pain and desire to cease and desist all further effort, and keep going. Pain is temporary, so cliche. But there is some truth in that. I know that once my body tells me it would be prudent to stop whatever it is that is I am doing it is code for me to go harder. The body and mind has an incredible ability to do much more than we think for. Realisation three. I can do more than I thought I could. That last set in a block, that last hill, that sprint effort that gets sprung on me just as I think I am safe from any further lactate burn. Doesn't mean for a second that I don't whine or squeal some incomprehensible babble about how I don't want to. But I must, so I do.
One of my favourite times is when Gary and I get to ride together. It is his easy day and for me a solid train, and I am so fortunate that I have him to teach me the finer points of bike handing and technique. It goes some thing like this - you must use every muscle, but stay relaxed. Realisation number four. I have no co ordination or concept of how to ride this thing and time is rapidly passing by for me to figure it out. The demonstrations of what I look like on the bike must be hilarious for passer byes to witness. My attempts to do what is needed must look even more spectacular. Sorry to any motorists or fellow cyclists who have been exposed to this debacle. Every now and then I get a feel for it, if I really nail it, this glimpse of brilliance may last for a few seconds, before the status quo returns. So this will be my mini challenge until the Hamilton Open in a fortnight. Extend the moments to seconds, and then into perhaps minutes of reasonable muscle control.
So this week I have goals within the goals. Sleep more, eat better and train as well as I can.
Finally a parting thank you for all of the incredible support and encouragement I am receiving as I document this journey for me. While it is clearly a selfish piece of work, there is a lot of reference to me and I, the underlying drive for me to do this is to show that we are all vulnerable. We are all so different yet all so similar. I am rambling, I think what I am trying to say is that if one single person gets a little bit of insight or courage to tackle something new or speak openly or honestly about something, any thing, then the purpose of inflicting my diatribe on you all had been fulfilled.
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